I am risk-avoidant. Some people are pleasure-seeking – act now on what you want, think later. I analyze everything before acting. I’m both a libra and the child of a lawyer, neither of those things help quiet my think-of-every-possibility-before-acting-ness.
I have to actively figure out ways to quiet my panic-brain on the regular, and so have managed to come up with a sort of system for reframing worries and negative thoughts in a way that helps me move forward. It’s probably why my introvert-soul loves the idea of places like this so much.
Fear is a paralytic. It will keep you in the same spot endlessly if you let it. Love is a motivator, and we need to be able to focus on the love of something, even if it’s just an idea of something, to move past fear and doubt.
A simple way to reframe negative thoughts
You might’ve heard of that counter to the what if it all goes wrong worry:
Oh darling, but what if it all goes right.
That’s more or less the vibe here. You reframe negative, limiting thoughts by just tweaking them slightly. The kind of negativity we’re talking about isn’t productive. It’s not helpful. It’s a paralyzing motivation crusher. So, the trick is to take that giant, mental roadblock, and simply set it up so it’s not such an all-consuming NO.
Detachment and Acceptance
Before we get to how to stop negative thoughts in their tracks though, it’s not a terrible idea to take a moment to wrap your mind around the fact that you can’t stop negative thoughts in their tracks. Not really.
You’re going to have negative thoughts. Sometimes things will bother you, you’ll feel anxious, you’ll be nervous about the unknown or the difficult things that lay before you. Sometimes you’ll just be super disappointed by something you ate for dinner. It happens, and you need to accept that it happens.
Trying to have complete control over your thoughts is like trying to catch water with a strainer. It’s just not a practical thing to spend your time on. You would be better served (in my non-medical, highly personal, don’t-know-much-about-much opinion) to spend your time cultivating acceptance of your thoughts, and the detachment from them.
See this article on using detachment for a happier life.
Basically what I mean is that you should accept that you will continue to have negative thoughts, but you don’t need to give them a ton of your time. You can let them in, and let them out, just like breathing.
Reframing negative thoughts is more of a practice to help you both accept and detach from negative thinking. Kinda like mental weight lifting. You learn to recognize a negative thought as it comes, let it be without letting it consume you, turn it around and send it on its way.
Examples of reframing negative thoughts:
Instead of: “I have to do this thing to get where I want.”
Say: “All I need to do is this thing to move forward with what I want.” or “I just need to do this one thing to move forward.”
1 step at a time vs. big picture thinking
Don’t overwhelm yourself with how much you need to do overall. Outline the basic steps that you need to complete between where you are and where you want to be, then put all but the first step aside.
Example: I want to get that new job
Negative thoughts: BUT I need these new skills… I don’t know the right people… I don’t know what to say in the interview… I’ll get passed over… I’ll fail… etc.
Reframing: I just need to learn these new skills (which I can figure out)… I just need to see who’s in management and talk to them a bit… I just need to get through an interview or two which will be easier once I’ve done research… etc.
The tone is much more one of possibilities in the reframed version than the original. It leaves avenues open to you, rather than slamming all the doors in your face.
All of those steps may still seem overwhelming and can still halt your progress moving forward, which is why you take them one step at a time.
Focus on that first step, what needs to happen next, breaking it down even further into its own set of steps if you need to.
Example: I just need to learn these new skills… SO I’ll do some research and find a class I can take or a book I can read to get started.
Now you have step 1 – find a class or a book.
Of course there are all the other steps that you can go ahead and outline, but don’t worry too much about them until you’re actually ready to take each step.
Big Picture Thinking
Big picture thinking should be a motivation for you. It’s the way you imagine everything will be when you’re done, your goal, the thing you’re trying to achieve.
Remember the big picture when you want to be inspired. Think about that end goal and how it will look and feel, but don’t let yourself start thinking too much about the big picture or you’re likely to get overwhelmed comparing where you are to where you want to go.
You’ll focus on the gap in between, which can feel like a canyon, and that simply doesn’t help you achieve your goal.
Think of the big picture as a little dose of serotonin or a dose of inspiration. You should be very intentional when you’re thinking of the big picture. It’s there to look at when you need a boost, and you need to intentionally imagine the positive result of being there, goal achieved.
Moving Forward Despite Negative Thoughts
If you are able to learn to accept your negative thoughts and detach from them, and from the possibility of negative outcomes, you’ll likely be able to find improvement in your everyday life.
Negative thoughts are like boulders we carry around when we don’t need to.
Our minds say “Hey, why don’t you hold this really heavy thing that does nothing to help you for a while?” And for some reason, a lot of the time, we’re like, “Sure! Sounds great!”
It doesn’t serve you, and with a little practice, it’s simple enough to reframe any negative thoughts into something more productive and open to possibilities. It’s also possible to simply recognize those exaggerative negative thoughts as they come, and then just let them pass on by without giving them your mind as a home.
Take all this with a grain of salt since I’m truly no expert, but this has been helpful for me and I hope it is for you.
