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A DIY Pagan Ritual for Loss, Memories, and Moving Forward

There’s something about the Pagan rituals and religions that speak to my wannabe Swamp Witch soul. Something about nature and the ties to all things spooky that I already love.

This isn’t about religion though. Not for me, anyway. I’m not Wiccan or anything like that, but we’re coming to the end of the year and it’s been such a ridiculous year of stress and loss and chaos I felt like diving into something different to close the chapter.

So I started checking out rituals for loss, grief, remembrance, and the end of the year.

Generally, Wiccan/Pagan death rituals are reserved for actual funerals, or Halloween (aka Samhain.) Día de los Muertos (“Day of the Dead”) is also a really good example of this kind of thing.

This is a little different though. An end of the year/ritual of loss doesn’t exactly fit into any established category that I’ve found, although Pagan holidays do seem a little DIY so maybe some do incorporate the two when appropriate.

This year, it seems appropriate.

I’ve spent so much time alone this year (thanks, ‘Rona) and relied more than usual on my animals for companionship and to keep me active and engaged in everyday life. I also had to say goodbye to 3 animals in a very short period of time, which was not a good time, and I’m still not ok with it.

There’s been more than enough loss to go around this year from well-loved pets to well-loved people. It’s been rough. Gotta take some peace where you can get it.

Things to know about pagan rituals

To reiterate, this isn’t about religion for me. Some people are afraid of the idea of Pagan/Wiccan/Witchy anything because it’s considered dangerous in their religion. I’m not here to debate that, I’m taking inspiration from some rituals and customs of the Pagan variety to create something that I think will be nice for myself.

With all that said, don’t be surprised if you find similarities between Pagan rituals and more modern holiday traditions. There is crossover, and throughout history customs have been adopted between religions.

Here’s what some of my research on Pagan rituals has dug up:

Wheel of the year

Pagan wheel of the year via Wikipedia

The Wheel of the Year is basically a calendar associating festivals with celestial cycles. It’s based on the sun and moon, cycling from longest day, to longest night. Sometimes this is referred to as tracking the “life and death” of the sun.

The major holidays within the Wheel of the Year are:

  • Yule – December
  • Imbolc – February
  • Ostara – March
  • Beltane – May
  • Litha – June
  • Lughnasadh – August
  • Mabon – September
  • Samhain – October 31/November 1

See a longer explanation here. You can also see a full calendar of Wiccan/Pagan events for 2020 here. Based on that second calendar I’m thinking December 29 might be the right night to put this particular ritual together.

Since this isn’t about celebrating an established holiday, I’m looking at what I can draw from traditional celebrations and bring into this little end of the year memorial celebration. I think it makes the most sense to really use a combination of Samhain, Yule, and the Winter Solstice components for that.

End of year rituals

The end of the year contains a lot to be recognized by Pagans (to be fair, the end of the year has a lot going on for most of us) with the main festivals that I’m focusing on being Samhain and Yule.

Samhain

Since Samhain (AKA Halloween) really seems like the festival dedicated to the dead, I think it makes sense to draw on elements of that festival and bring them into my made-up one. Samhain is also considered the “witch’s new year” so let’s bring those vibes on up to meet our modern New Year, shall we?

For a fun rundown of some of the Halloween myths, legends, and their origins I highly recommend reading this book. I found it by accident this Halloween and really enjoyed it.

Ways to Celebrate

Dumb Supper

I know, the name got me at first too. It’s actually referring to “dumb” as in quiet. A meal had in silence with a place setting (including food and drink) for the dead.

Nature walk

Observance of nature and the cycle of life and death which is present in all things, including yourself.

Tarot reading

A tarot reading can be used for different purposes, but on Samhain people sometimes use them as a way to try to communicate with the dead.

I’ve never owned cards personally, but I did find this really cool set for a friend a few months ago. They’re kinda perfect to include in this post too because they’re actually based on folklore from all over the world.

Folklore tarot set
Alter

Photographs or other trinkets associated with deceased loved ones, candles, food and drink, herbs, and other items placed together to remember, or even call to, the deceased.

Bonfire to release the negative

Write down something (a habit, feeling, etc.) that you want to move on from and put the paper in the fire. Celts viewed Samhain as their New Year (maybe that’s why it can also be referred to as the “Witch’s New Year”) so this is pretty much like our “new year’s resolutions”, but with fire.

Bay leaf with positive message

Write down something you want for the new year on a bay leaf (associated with protection and positive energy) and toss it into the fire.

Jack-o-lanterns

Carving jack-o-lanterns seems to be based on myths of the spirits using them as actual lanterns, carrying them through the afterlife to light their way.

Yule / Winter Solstice

A time of reflection on the longest darkest night of the year. Yule in the northern hemisphere falls in December, and in June for the Southern Hemisphere. The day changes slightly each year as the actual date of the shortest day/longest night changes slightly in relation to the calendar year.

That was kinda a confusing way of saying that Yule is celebrated on the day with with the longest night and shortest daylight hours each year.

It’s supposed to be a time to look forward to the sun returning, the days getting longer, and life beginning again.

Activities

Cleansing

This is an opportunity to clear our your mind, spirit, and physical space. So literally cleaning house and decluttering your space is one way to celebrate Yule.

Smudging

“Smudging” with incense to purify the space of negativity is another way to cleanse. I think that’s more-or-less what you usually see in movies when people are burning sage to clear out bad spirits. Something like that.

Burning a Yule log

In olden days you might’ve actually grabbed a whole tree to burn, but these days a smaller log is acceptable. A piece of a Yule tree was sometimes kept in the house while the rest was burnt for good luck and protection. The ashes from a Yule log can also be spread into the soil outside, which can actually make the soil even better for plants.

Fruits (like cranberries), spices (such as cinnamon or anise), bits of nature (such as pine or pine cones) can be placed around or on top of the Yule log and used as a table centerpiece. Once the time is right you can place the whole thing in the fire, along with pieces of paper with wishes for the new year written on them.

Feasts

There’s a lot of crossover with the traditions most people associate with Christmas, including gathering and celebrating with others over a table of good food and drinks.

Loss and grief rituals

This isn’t specific to the end of the year, but one of the things I really wanted to deal with was death so I’ve researched quite a bit about this sort of ceremony. It just so happens though, that as far as Pagan lore goes, death does correspond to the end of the year specifically.

Autumn is the time to celebrate the harvest, but also the time to reflect on life and death, as death is associated with the oncoming winter. The concept of the triple goddess includes The Crone, who comes forth in winter as a representative of the last phase of life and to remind us that death is merely a phase of life.

So as it turns out, this is kind of the perfect time to integrate a remembrance/loss/grief ritual.

How to perceive death

Death is a bummer. I didn’t find anything about this sort of ritual that tried to downplay that. We’re not talking about acting happy when we’re sad, but there is an emphasis on death being part of the life cycle, and more of a transformation than an end. So, pretty similar to lots of religious views on death.

There is a celebratory component, which looks like accepting and celebrating that the loved one that died has completed their mission on Earth, so now they can rest peacefully. I think the idea is we all have a kind of “mission” and death occurs once that is fulfilled. And fulfilling that mission is cause for celebration.

So, mourn the loss, celebrate the life work being completed. Something like that.

Items for a Pagan ritual & what they mean

Photo by Giulia Bertelli on Unsplash

Herbs / nature

Rosemary

Symbolizes remembrance.

Mugwort

Associated with psyche/dreams, used against depression and anxiety. It’s also been used to help with certain stomach problems, which might explain why it could impact “mental problems” as well. We’re always learning more about just how much the gut affects the rest of our health, including our minds.

It has also been used in relation to menstruation, contractions, and even to induce abortion, so def wouldn’t ingest it without fully understanding it.

It can be eaten, used as an essential oil, incense, or to ward off pests.

Evergreen twig

For faith in the return of summer/sun – or the return of life. Hope.

There’s a story about the sun telling all the trees that it was going to leave for a while but not to worry because it would be back. The sun was gone for so long that most of the trees got worried and lost faith that the sun would ever return. They were so worried that they ended up shaking all their leaves off. However, the trees high up in the mountains (such as the ones we now call “evergreens”) could see far and wide and could see that the sun was still near and so they believed it would return. Because they believed the sun would return they didn’t shake their leaves off, and when the sun came back it rewarded their faith by allowing them to keep their greenery all year.

Ivy

Associated with ongoing life as it tends to live long after the other plants around it have died off.

Birch

Associated with perseverance and new life.

Yew

Associated with immortality and longevity. Also associated with the Crone aspect of the triple goddess in Wicca.

Fruits

Apple

Symbolizes immortality “food of the dead.”

Pomegranate

Associated with Persephone and underworld.

Cloth

Sometimes people place a cloth on an alter or over a Yule log, picking the color based on the ritual.

White cloths

Symbolize purification and peace.

Violet cloths

Symbolizes psychic energy, spirituality, and wisdom.

Candle colors and symbolism

Pretty much every color seems to have some kind of meaning attached to it in folklore or Pagan practices. For the purposes of this post I’ve focused on finding candle colors that are associated with the theme of this wannabe ritual.

Black candles

Used to absorb negative energy and to help process death and grief, black candles are associated with the Crone aspect of The Triple Goddess. The Crone is also part of winter and the end of the year, as well as the recognition of death as a part of the life cycle.

White candle

Used to symbolize healing, clarity, and cleansing.

Silver candle

Reflection, dreams, intuition.

Food & Drink

In some cultures, people bring food and drink to the dead because ancestors are thought to help protect the family, so failure to bring offerings could result in bad luck. In some, it’s simply a way to acknowledge and connect with loved ones. For the purposes of my setup as a more-or-less one-time thing, it’ll be based on the latter.

Connection, acknowledgment, remembrance, release.

A Remembrance Alter

To acknowledge and connect with the life cycle some rituals use the elements in conjunction with the 4 directions for ceremonial arrangments.

  • North, south, east, west
  • Earth, fire, air, water

So for instance, place something to represent earth, like a plant, on the North point of an alter. Something to represent fire, such as incense, on the south point of the alter. A feather for air. A cup of water. Place the remaining alter items within the circle that those 4 items create.

Set intention

Set the intention of cleansing, purifying, or letting go of the negative things in your life, and move through the ceremony or ritual with that intention in mind.

Putting it all together

So there are lots of ways these festivals and their rituals overlap. That’s probably due to them all being celebrated near the end of the year, close to each other. Looking through all of this stuff you can really start to get a sense of the connections between Day of the Dead, Halloween/Samhain, The Winter Solstice/Yule, and the end of the year celebrations we all generally take part in.

They all address life and death. Death is not treated as a finality, but more of a transformation. They celebrate what came before, but also the beginnings of new life.

There’s acknowledgment of loved ones that have passed on and attempts to keep those connections with a celebration of life.

There are a variety of herbs, plants, fruits, and items that each ritual utilizes.

End of Year / Remembrance Ritual

So, putting together a sort of custom ritual, drawing on all these different elements, might look something like this.

Dumb Supper

A silent meal with a place setting for those we’ve lost. Maybe with some music. Is that against the rules? Nope. They’re our rules!

Food

Apples and pomegranate incorporated into the food and drink.

  1. apple cider
  2. fried apples
  3. pomegranate wine (I think that’s a thing?)
  4. raw pomegranates, etc.

Table setting

Yule log as a centerpiece. Various herbs set around the log. Bay leaves, rosemary, pine branches, etc.

White and purple clothes laid out on the table. Black candles lit during the dinner.

Take a piece of paper and write down negative things to be rid of and take a bay lead and write down the positive things you want to bring into your life.

After dinner

  1. Take the Yule log to a fire pit to burn
  2. Take the candles with to set by the fire
  3. Take a moment to think through the reasons for the ritual and to speak to whoever you need to – including yourself.
  4. Place the papers and leaves with intentions written on them into the fire
  5. Use the fire from the Yule log or from the black candles to light incense for “smudging” throughout your space.

Set up alter

Add whatever you want to your alter.

  • Photos or items associated with loved ones
  • Flowers
  • Food and drink (from the supper)
  • Incense

If you still have black candles burning, add those. Add other colored candles as well and light. Light the white ones last so they are the last to burn down.

Add items from each of the four elements to their respective spot around the alter.

Take a moment, meditate, do whatever you need to. Gradually begin to focus more on the intention of moving forward, letting go.

Fin.

This is clearly all just me DIY-ing this process for myself. If there’s a wrong way to do some of this, I might end up breaking some rules, but it’s a personal thing. I’m including it out here in the open in case you might want to do something similar to bring your year to a close, or to usher in something new, or to process whatever whenever.

No rules. Just some witchy weirdness. Why not.

Sources / Further reading

Tech obsessed professional dog-petter with a camera and a website or two. Sometimes wine's involved, usually Starbucks.